Destination Weddings For You & Family & Friends
 A Reality Check

 Article By Beau Nanni, CSS

As the editor-in-chief of a monthly wedding magazine, The Metroplex Edition of Weddings Magazine, for over four years, I answered questions submitted on-line, from brides around the world. An all too frequent theme was a bride asking how to handle the mom or dad who were either control freaks (not letting the bride have the wedding the way she wanted it) or a mom trying to take charge and create that “perfect wedding” she never was able to have for herself (again, not letting the bride have the wedding the way she wanted it). I called this the “parent from hell syndrome”. 

My response to these pleas for help usually sounded something like, “This really and truly is YOUR day and the only way you can have YOUR day is to sit down and let your parent(s) know that you really love them and that you really appreciate them BUT this is one of the most special days of your life and you would like to have it the way YOU will be happiest with it…then you need to plan to compromise (hopefully just a little) and still be able to get it (mostly) your way.  If you are paying for part or all of the wedding yourself that ‘compromise’ word is a little less demanding, however, it would be a could idea to give in (perhaps) just a little to keep peace in the families and help ensure YOUR day is going to be wonderful. The alternative to this is to just do it yourself…and pay for it yourself or accept your parents’ wishes and make the best of it.”

Even though it is estimated that nearly 60% of this year’s wedding couples will end up paying for part or all of their own wedding the fact remains “parents will be parents”. 

What does all of this have to do with DESTINATION WEDDINGS? Well, throughout the years we have seen all too many couples plan AND BOOK their wedding to the Caribbean, Hawaii, or the South Pacific only to have it cancelled because of the eventual conflict it caused among parents and/or close friends! CONFLICT, as in “I can’t afford to pay that much to attend your wedding” or (from the families) “we just wanted all our friends and your friends to be able to enjoy your wedding too” and/or “we just aren’t comfortable with you getting married in a strange place”. 

Let me make an absolute statement before getting into the potential “downsides” of a Destination Wedding…Destination Weddings are WONDERFUL EVENTS, allowing you to have, what Sandals Resorts is famous for and has coined a WeddingMoon. In many destinations you can be married on a bluff overlooking the ocean, on a beach, in a wedding gazebo in lush garden settings or overlooking the water, on a private yacht (offered by SuperClubs Grand Lido Negril), in a “bure” (thatched bungalow) in Fiji or a dozen other exotic, warm and fuzzy, places at some outstanding resorts. The Destination Wedding has become so popular over the past ten years that many of the upscale resorts are offering the wedding FOR FREE.  

The downside…Unless you just want to do it on your own, you need to plan for how both of your families (which often include grandparents and siblings) will be able to join you for the wedding. You also should consider if your plans are cost-effective enough to allow your best friends to also attend the wedding! 

The dollars and sense of all this can be KEY to making your Destination Wedding a FABULOUS experience for everyone! If your parents are paying for or helping to pay for your wedding they will likely spend LESS money by giving you a Destination Wedding. With a typical wedding of 100 guests costing, on average, somewhere in the realm of $10,000 in the U.S. and the “average wedding cost” (most weddings have more than 100 guests) being estimated by the wedding community at $18,000 to $24,000, the cost of your Destination Wedding and the travel and accommodations of both sets of parents is easily justified. 

Can your friends really afford to go? That will depend on any number of factors, not the least being if they have or can save the money to make this a vacation for them also. Here are a few things to consider when you want your friends at your Destination Wedding:

Find a reputable travel SPECIALIST (they shouldn’t charge you a fee for their services) to one or more of the destinations you are considering. The word SPECIALIST is key here…make sure the person you plan to deal with PERSONALLY knows these destinations, PERSONALLY knows the resorts, and PERSONALLY has gone to the resorts and knows them PERSONALLY (get the drift?). Many specialists may be “qualified” by having taken courses about a particular destination or resort…this doesn’t mean they REALLY know about the resort, this simply means they have studied information about the resort or destination. This event is just TOO IMPORTANT for you to leave it in the hands of semi-professional, professionals! 

Choose a destination that isn’t too far to fare…this means “airfares can be very expensive” and the further you go the more it will cost your guests to attend your wedding. I always suggest looking at some of the destinations that may be serviced by charter airlines from a city in or around your area of the country. 

Select a resort that will be best suited for you AND your family. What you aren’t always told is the average age of guests staying at a given resort or the average income level of those people vacationing at the resort you want or where most of the people staying at the resort “hail from”. Can you imagine ending up in a resort where the majority of the guests are 30 years older (or younger) than you and they have so much (or so little) income that the way they act (general lifestyle) makes you uncomfortable and they come from a part of the country that, for some reason, you just feel is “too foreign” to let you be comfortable around them? Though some of the above is a little absurd in scope, the truth of the matter is that there ARE things that can make all of us a little uncomfortable and there is no reason to NOT know before you go! 

Select a resort that can accommodate ALL your friends and family. While you may think this is a little strange, be aware that Adult Only resorts mean just that (no children) and Couples Only resorts mean just that (no singles). There are a number of resorts that WILL allow children or singles to attend the wedding day events (usually with a “wedding day pass”) for a fee. And I know of a number of Couples Only resorts that I can ask the manager to make an exception to the rule and allow two singles to share a room (this works great should you have a single mom and single bridesmaid or a couple of groomsmen that are single). Also, when everyone just CAN’T stay at the same resort (i.e. family with a teenager that isn’t otherwise allowed on property) there are a number of Adult Only or Couples Only resorts that have “family resorts” either next door or within a 5-minute taxi ride from your resort. 

Plan far enough in advance to allow your friends and families to save up for this vacation. The most successful destination weddings take place when couples plan at least 6 and up to 12 months in advance and notify EVERYONE of their date, immediately. 

Try to select a destination and resort that allows your guests to stay for a shorter period of time (usually three to four nights) and still have good air connections back home (economics again).   

Make your choices as financially painless and psychologically pleasurable as you possibly can. One reason I deal with almost entirely all-inclusive destinations and resorts is because EVERYONE knows in advance EXACTLY HOW MUCH THEY ARE GOING TO SPEND for EVERYTHING. The “leave your wallet at home” concept sure makes it easier to handle the finances. If everyone can think of your Destination Wedding as “the honeymoon they never got to take” or “their second honeymoon” or just a “well deserved vacation – finally!” then you have won the battle.

What about your best friends – you honor attendants and others? Some of the couples I work with in planning their destination wedding have the ability to financially help their closest friends and offer to pick up either the airfare or the cost of the accommodations. This doesn’t work for everyone but, if it could work for you, this is a consideration to keep in the back of your mind. 

Now on this one I am partial – but, I have elected to be an “all-inclusive only” travel specialist because I believe the benefits are the absolute greatest for my couples. Strongly consider taking everyone to an all-inclusive destination! Here are a few of the reasons to select all-inclusive resorts: 

That “leave your wallet at home” concept lets everyone know what the ENTIRE trip is going to cost them. 

Consider your “rehearsal dinner” – if everyone is at the resort with you IT’S ALL INCLUDED because everyone’s meals and beverages (usually champagne, wines and mixed drinks also) are INCLUDED in their all-inclusive price. 

Consider your “wedding reception” – immediately following the wedding most resorts that include FREE WEDDINGS give you a very simple cake and champagne event – but then – that evening you all can be seated together then be together for the entertainment and dancing afterward – and, again – guess what! – if everyone is at the resort with you IT’S ALL INCLUDED. 

What are Aunt Sarah, Uncle Harry, your parents and all your best friends going to do in the meantime? ANYTHING THEY WANT TO DO because these all-inclusive resorts offer almost every water sport (skiing, sailing, snorkeling, scuba, etc) and land sports (volley ball, golf, etc.) at NO ADDITIONAL COST to their guests. 

If you have a large number of guests (20 or more) you may want to add a few extras to your wedding and/or wedding reception – this is probably the only ADDITIONAL expense you would even consider at one of these resorts. You can choose from additional flowers, live music and/or bands, Videography, special photography options, special reception menus, etc…but even when you are charged for some of these extras the rates are always reasonable and usually a FRACTION of what they would be at home.

While I know, first hand, a Destination Wedding is one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to get married, you really have to give it some thought and a lot of preparation. Oh yeah, about the preparation…if you find a really good destination/resort specialist he or she should be able to handle most of the wedding planning and travel arrangements for EVERYONE – at no additional cost to you or your guests!  Anyway, you have better things to focus on for your Destination Wedding…like your wardrobe!